Finding a voice

Hello readers,

I'm finally on the up from being sick last week. I was still sick through the weekend, but on Monday was able to see a few patients, though I wore a mask for their safety. Over the weekend I made it to the Chicago Summer Dance and got to enjoy people watching and listening to some salsa music. Delightful. I continue to enjoy Chicago so much.

This week feels like it has flown by. It hasn't been the best of weeks...I'm struggling with a couple aspects of CPE. It's still been good, but there are definitely frustrations. I don't feel like I can be really open about it on the interweb. Ultimately I know I have learned a lot about myself through this experience, and am continuing to, and that makes it all worth it. I am continuing to challenge myself in seeing patients, and am realizing other issues I have to deal with - regarding things like conflict (big surprise there), anger, perfectionism, among other things.

One thing that has been really eye-opening for me in the last week is to realize that I need and want to work on developing my voice in the sense that I want to grow in feeling comfortable enough to speak up and be heard. I never really thought that was a problem for me, but I've come to see it through being in this group of young men. Being with all these guys (5 of them, all who I love and enjoy) is good practice for me as a young woman who is going into a profession that is still dominated by men. There are definitely clergy women out there, but it is not equal. And I think I struggle with the confidence to be a strong woman in situations with these men. I want to work on that because I want to be a strong woman who isn't afraid to say what needs to be said. I don't want to just blend in with the guys (which is much easier, and sometimes a lot of fun). So I'm trying to figure out what that means for me and how that might look. I'm sure it'll be something to grow into and continue discovering.

This weekend I head to Reedsburg to hang out with my parents. I'm a little disappointed with how little time I've actually been able to spend with them. My CPE program isn't flexible hardly at all, and definitely not as much as I'd like. I think I'm going to be at the hospital every day between now and the end (August 21), less the weekend I head to L.A. for a close college friend's wedding in August, to make up for the couple days I've had to miss. Anyway, I am looking forward to a weekend with my parents and the dog! It sounds like my dad and I will compete in the Lazy Beaver Canoe Race on Saturday morning on the Baraboo River. It's supposed to be rainy I guess, but it will be fun! I haven't paddled in a while. It's kinda fun to be doing these races with my dad. We never did this stuff growing up. I'm glad we're getting the opportunity this summer. I hope the weekend treats you well!