My first brain death

My weeks continue to be packed with either being at the hospital or doing everything I can to stay away, relax, and take in Chicago! This summer has been so great; I'm sad to think it's already about half-way over.

Some highlights:

• I love seeing KG every week. She is a dear friend, mentor, and role model for me.
• I got to spend Saturday afternoon with SN, a close college friend. We met downtown and wandered the lakeshore path to Navy Pier. (Side note: for anyone who hasn't experienced it, Navy Pier reminds me of Fisherman's Wharf or the Dells with all it's touristy hustle and bustle. Really it's not something to see. Though I haven't actually walked to the end of it yet, and I hear that's the only real highlight. I am deterred by the crowds that make it hard to even walk down the sidewalk.)
• I have learned how to maneuver the CTA, Chicago's public transportation system. This gives me some sense of knowing I have experienced Chicago - buses, subway, L...it's a pretty great system, though expensive.

I was on-call twice this past week, once on Thursday night, and then again yesterday (a 24-hour) shift. Thursday's was totally quiet...no pages. It was a welcome shift since so many of my on-calls have been rather busy, unlike my CPE peers. Yesterday I went through my first brain death situation. Not an easy thing. For anyone. Brain deaths are especially hard for families to understand b/c the heart is still beating, and it looks as though they are still breathing since they're on a ventilator. The body is still warm, and so it doesn't make sense that there would be no chance of recovery. Brain death is one of two kinds of death that we see at the hospital, and it is the harder of the two for families to accept. Cardiac death is the other, and that's when the heart stops beating. Something about the flatline makes more sense for most of us in how we think of death. In brain death the heart monitor is still beeping b/c the heart is still pumping, but the brain is dead; there is no life and no way to revive them. The family I was with yesterday was struggling b/c it was very unexpected. The patient was rushed to the hospital in the morning because she was complaining of a headache and then passed out. The doctor later told the family the probable cause was a ruptured brain aneurism. The patient really had no chance. And they family wasn't aware of any indicators of poor health, so the whole thing was a surprise. It was hard to be with them, and that's about all I did - be present. I visited them numerous times, as when there is a brain death, there is a protocol the hospital has to follow to confirm that it actually is brain death. The protocol includes two exams of the patient in which they test reflexes to a number of things. At our hospital, the rule is that the tests have to be six hours apart, so there is a lot of waiting and down time.

I left the hospital early today to recover from the emotional drain of yesterday. And we started going through our mid-unit evaluations today. We had to write reflection papers on four of the nine outcomes expected of CPE students. Reflection papers range in topics...these were about our history, life story, and theology - how they were formed, and how they influence our ministry. We also had to write about how we receive and give critique. It takes so much energy for me to write papers like this. That is why doing CPE is so draining for me. The personal reflection is good, and I am learning a lot and being challenged in who I am and how I show up in ministry. But it feels like it sucks energy out of me sometimes and makes me wish I could be done and focus on enjoying Chicago. Alas, this is part of the process for ordination in the ELCA, and I still think it is a good and necessary part. I am thankful for the opportunity to experience a ministry that was completely unfamiliar to me prior to this summer.

Some pics for your enjoyment:

Chicago skyline from Shedd Aquarium on July 3rd

July 3rd fireworks, a Chicago tradition