Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Calling
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Happy New Year
I made an expensive, big-deal purchase yesterday. I bought a wedding dress! While Tom and I have reserved and put deposits on a number of things (ceremony and reception locations, catering, and now a photographer!), buying the dress felt like a huge step - one that means this is really going to happen. Crazy. I'm a little nervous because there were no stores that carried the dress I wanted so I am ordering blind and won't see it and try it on until the end of May. And I'm still a little disappointed that I had to give into the system of wedding dresses... I had wanted so badly to buy one on consignment - God knows I don't need someone to make a brand new dress for me to wear for a day - better for the environment, and hopefully easier on the wallet. Unfortunately that is not an easy route to go. As it should be, every girl has their dress tailored to them which means it fits their body. And the chances of someone else's body being the same as mine...very slim. Needless to say I did check out two bridal consignment shops in Denver (Altar Bridal and Eco-Bridal) and they had some great stuff, but nothing that fit me well enough to buy (and pay about the price I was looking to pay for a new dress anyway) and then have altered. I was so bummed. But I am so excited with what I ended up with. I can't wait to see it in May and finally try it on!
Tom and I leave for vacation in five days. Both of us are ready for some time off! And I'm a little nervous about the time off part because we'll be visiting friends and family and that doesn't usually lend itself to much time off. But we will fit it in. We need it. And then our parents are going to meet for the first time...
Internship...it's still going. I will say this Christmas I didn't feel very merry...six worship services in three days is a bit much for me and didn't feel much like Christmas. But that's the road Tom and I get to figure out now - how to create new traditions to make Christmas merry for us. Because the church part was mostly hectic, and honestly I kinda felt like McDonald's. People came to fill their order for the year and that's it. Where's the authentic side of it? I know not all people fall into that category on Christmas Eve or Day, but that's what it felt like for my first experience in a pastor role. I felt used and abused.
One new practice we are doing this year is to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas. Christmas Day is day one and on from there. (The secular counting down to Christmas as the 12th day has no ground.) We made a list before Christmas of things we wanted to do to celebrate Christmas every day. Our list included things like going to the movies (we saw Tron in 3D), watching Christmas movies at home (we watched White Christmas), going out to eat (we had a coupon to use at Joe's Crab Shack :)), going shopping (exchanges!), going ice skating (soon to happen with our new friends JC and KM and IMC), walking or driving to appreciate Christmas lights, etc. It's been fun to have something every day that we are consciously choosing to do to celebrate Christmas.
That's enough for today. May you experience God Incarnate - God in your world and the world around you - on this 8th day of Christmas and the rest of the year.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wedding Planning
Monday, August 9, 2010
Could I be someone's Pastor?
I'm so excited for this year. And nervous. I'm waiting to find my pastoral identity...something I've heard seminary peers talk about. I wonder if it really exists. Will I always be trying to find this balance (if it's a balance...maybe more of a marriage?) between the real me and the pastor me? It is a humbling thing and such an honor to be welcomed immediately into people's lives in the role of their pastor. How could it be that I would ever assume such a role? I don't think it's something I assume on my own by any means; I believe it is something given/received. But why would someone choose to call me pastor? I'm just me...I'm no one special. I don't feel like I am any more special or any different to have this title placed upon me. So what do I do as someone who doesn't feel like as pastor and is supposed to be one? Granted I'm an intern, but the congregation has been trained (via previous interns) to call the intern simply "pastor". I think it's a good thing for me to experience that...especially if that's what people will call me someday should I have the privilege of being ordained to serve people through the word and sacraments...but it feels daunting when I think about it, and when I think about how much I don't feel like a pastor.
I ordered my first round of clergy shirts this morning. I am hopeful that seeing the collar on my frame might help my self-perception. It's always fun to order new things, but I wonder how it will be to try them on for the first time and see myself in a collar. And then wear one around people in my congregation. And then in public. I'm sure it will be an adjustment.
I hope to have some sense of being a pastor after this year of internship...seems like that should be the point of this year away from academia. I am so thankful for that separation, and it is so good to be back in Colorado. Mostly I'm excited for what lies ahead.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Women Bishops
As a church that ordains women and invites women as part of leadership, when will our beliefs about equality reach the level of bishop? From my own count (which could be wrong), there are only 6 women bishops out of the 65 synodical bishops of the ELCA. Why might this be? Are we as a people still ingrained to think that it is men who should hold the 'higher-up' positions? Are women simply told implicitly that being bishop is a job that a man should do? Are women simply not interested in holding the office of bishop? Why might that be? Are we as women ingrained to think that holding the office of bishop is something we can't do, and so we don't consider it? Are there not enough men encouraging women to run for the office of bishop? Are there not enough men even considering women who might be good for the job? (B/c let's be real...though we women want to fight for our rights of equality, we need help from the men to make it happen. We cannot do it alone.) I think there could be many reasons for this disparity. I realize that holding the office of bishop is a challenge, but I do not think it is one reserved for only men. I think women bishops could bring a different perspective to the position, and one that could reflect the majority of our active church members. (If we take a look at the percentage of women vs. men active in our congregations, it's likely that we see a higher percentage of women. This is obviously not reflected at the level of bishop. I think it's important for us to be aware of these differences.)
Thank you to these women for braving the way:
Bishop Jessica R. Crist, Montana Synod
Bishop Elizabeth Eaten, Northeastern Ohio Synod
Bishop Margaret Payne, New England Synod
Bishop Marie Jerge, Upstate NY Synod
Bishop Claire Burkat, Southeastern Penn. Synod
Bishop Wilma Kucharek, Slovak Zion Synod
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Avatar and Mexico
[Note: this entry includes spoilers if you haven't seen the film and still want to...I highly suggest it!]
Avatar and Mexico
I recently returned from a trip to Mexico City to fulfill my seminary’s cross-cultural requirement. I chose to go to Mexico City over other places, like Chicago or L.A., because I knew that it would be a deep experience for me in the Latino culture. I am not unfamiliar with Latino culture, but I wouldn’t say I am familiar either. In the time leading up to my departure for Mexico City, I happened to see the movie Avatar in the theatre. I must say I was blown away and impressed by what I saw. Little did I know, Avatar would have an incredible impact on my immersion in Mexico. During the whole 2.5 weeks of my trip I saw Avatar in everything! That is what this paper will present...
A little background on Avatar... It’s a movie about an indigenous people group called the Na’vi. The five Na’vi tribes live on Pandora, which is actually a moon of the planet Polyphemus, some 4.3 light years from Earth. Earthlings travel to Pandora in search of Unobtanium, a precious resource that can save Earth from its present energy crisis. I don’t know that they come out and say it, but it seems that the Earthlings are from the U.S., as they have marines and army on mission, and a high level of technology [read: expensive] only available in first-world countries. The Na’vi and Earthlings come into conflict when it is discovered that the Omaticaya tribe Hometree stands on the most Unobtanium-rich land in all of existence. The Earthlings are in pursuit of something to save Earth from their energy crisis, and the Na’vi are merely in the way, or so it seems.
A big part of our education in Mexico City was learning about globalization and NAFTA/free trade. This is one of the first places I saw Avatar. The scene that comes to mind is where character Parker is trying to explain to character Dr. Grace why it is so important that the Na’vi people be removed from their land. He mentions Unobtanium as the only goal for coming to Pandora, and the Na’vi as merely a road block. This relates to the relations of Mexico and its third world to the U.S. and other first-world countries. I couldn’t help but see the ties between the way we from the U.S. feel like we have the right to waltz into other people’s land and take what they have just because we can. This is what the military (U.S. or not) in Avatar think they can do to the Na’vi. The military assumes that because Unobtanium is needed on Earth, all others should bend to allow the removal of it, taking no consideration for the families, people, and customs that will be uprooted in the process. Between Mexico and the U.S., we (the U.S.) decided it was okay to take what we want and institute free trade (for goods, not people), having no thought of who our actions might be affecting.
The connection of the Na’vi to the indigenous of Mexico are so clear to me. There are a number of indigenous practices that show up in the Na’vi. One of those is the burial position. The indigenous believe that we belong to the Earth and so should depart it the way we came in - in the fetal position. The same is true of the Na’vi. There is one shot in the movie of a Na’vi burial where the dead is laid in the ground in the fetal position.
Another indigenous connection with the Na’vi is about misplaced sin. Because of what the “colonized” group (Earthlings, big business, etc.) want, we could say that the “sin” of the indigenous and the Na’vi is that they were born and live on land that is rich with resources. That doesn’t seem like a sin to me - to be born on a place rich with resources. The situation that happened in Avatar to the Na’vi also happened to the indigenous of Mexico, first when it was settled by the Spaniards, and now by the U.S. especially. When the Spaniards came to Mexico, they killed in the name of the church. I infer that it was then a sin that the indigenous people living there simply existed there, and their practices (religious and otherwise) didn’t look the same as the Spanish. Evidence for the church’s role in this is the way Catholicism is so “prevalent” in Mexico. I use quotations around prevalent because in my experience this time in Mexico City and other times to Mexico, it seems like there is a spirituality that runs deeper than the church. Catholicism seems to be a veneer of religion; the spiritual depth comes from a core that has existed much longer than the church and shows up in the symbolism found in Our Lady of Guadalupe.
One critique of Avatar that has been wide spread is that of the white messiah complex. In this film people see Jake Sully, the main character, who is white and even an ex-marine, end up saving the day and saving the Na’vi from destruction. I can see this argument for this film, but I don’t think it takes into account everything the movie has to offer. For one, Jake isn’t your average white guy; he is a cripple. He was hurt in battle somehow and has been in a wheelchair ever since. When he arrives on Pandora he is referred to as “Meals on Wheels.” We don’t often see the handicapped as having salvific power.
When it comes to beating the bad guys, Jake Sully is no longer Jake Sully. He is JakeSully, transformed into a man of the Omaticaya (one of five Na’vi tribes), and no longer who he was. He is not changed in merely physical appearance or status. Even the “real” Jake Sully, the non-Avatar Jake, has changed. The “real” world is no longer the place Jake wants to reside. He longs more and more to be with the Omaticaya as JakeSully. He becomes part of the Omaticaya in a way no human has ever done before. He is a recognized warrior of the clan and even takes a “woman”, Neytiri, as is the Omaticaya custom when he is born again as a man into the tribe.
Being a cripple and needing to give up his former life are two things that prove to me Jake Sully is not your average white messiah complex case. Another is that as an Omaticaya, Jake is not brought in once and for all. He is brought in and reborn as an Omaticaya man, but when the Omaticaya find out what he has been up to - that it was his job to infiltrate and learn about them so the military could attack them at their weakest spot - he is kicked out and branded a traitor. It is not an easy messiah road for Jake. He becomes the traitor of his human people, and his Avatar people. There are biblical characters who know this role of traitor - Moses, for one. Moses, though born a Hebrew, was raised by Pharaoh and so becomes a traitor when he leaves to follow his calling as a Hebrew to liberate them from Pharaoh’s oppression. Jake Sully is raised as a human, and as a marine, as someone who follows orders and doesn’t question authority. He begins to question, which leads him down the path of departure from his native people to follow his calling to liberate the Na’vi from the humans.
In the end, it turns out Jake is unable to save the day by himself anyway - more evidence against his white messiah role. Because he has to live in his Avatar to be any kind of liberator, he is struck in his most vulnerable state - when he is in the machine that links him with his Avatar as a human. This is how Colonel Quaritch is able to handicap Jake’s Avatar - by harming Jake’s human self when he is linked with his Avatar and vulnerable. Jake’s human body cannot function without oxygen, which makes it impossible as a human to survive on Pandora without O2 supply. When his O2 supply is compromised, Jake’s human body suffers, and as a result his Avatar cannot function. He can no longer save the day. In comes Neytiri, Jake’s Avatar partner (read: woman, wife) and a female warrior. Neytiri is the one who defeats Colonel Quaritch, and the military as a result. She is the one who saves the day, and saves Jake. If Neytiri would not have killed the Col. and not realized that it’s the human Jake that needs saving, Jake would have died.
I believe all these things make Avatar not your average white messiah complex movie. It is so much more. That Jake has to become part of the Omaticaya to have any cred and any chance of helping liberate them reminds me of the importance of listening to people and working with them, not for them. Jake couldn’t just waltz in and save the day. He couldn’t save the day in the end anyway. But he did help the Na’vi against the humans because he knew the human’s weakest points. He know what their tactics would be, and he knew how to hit them where it counts. Jake went in to become an Omaticaya in order to get them to move from Hometree, to help the humans in their pursuit of Unobtanium, and he came out (time and time again, in and out of his Avatar link) wanting to be part of the Omaticaya because they helped him truly see himself and the truth.
I see the ways I have fallen prey to the white messiah complex in my few experiences in Mexico. I have been on a handful of mission trips across the border and deeper into rural Mexico, and my experience in Mexico City this time has revolutionized the way I think about these kinds of trips. Before I thought we were doing the Mexicans (or you could say the poor of any country...even the U.S.) a favor by going to them and providing for their “needs”. When I think about it, this whole concept is full of white messianic principle...we go to the poor as rich, oftentimes white, kids/young adults/adults, from our place of privilege and power to “save” the poor from their sad state. We see commercials of kids without shoes asking us to donate money, ‘because isn’t it sad that this kid doesn’t have any shoes? And how many pairs of shoes do you have? All kids need shoes!’ Right? I don’t agree.
On this cross-cultural experience I learned the value of listening and investing in people. It is so easy for us who have money to just throw it at people who don’t. It’s a much easier way to help - we don’t have to get our hands dirty, we don’t have to travel, we don’t have to really see or experience the devastation. But we can feel better about ourselves when we give money. Now, I am not saying that people need to stop giving money to the poor and the needy in this world. It is true that we need to share our wealth, and that we can help provide for the basic needs of others, and then some. But we have forgotten that not everyone is the same. Not everyone needs what we think they need. For example, if you give shoes to a kid who has lived her whole life shoeless, and she lives in a culture where she won’t be able to buy new shoes after those ones wear out, by wearing the shoes you give her her feet will become soft and tender, instead of the tough and callous they need to be so she can live without shoes.
We can change this pattern by learning to listen to other people, especially people from other cultures who we are less likely to understand. We need to listen to what they are saying, listen to what they need, even ask what they need, just as Jesus asked the blind man what he wanted, instead of assuming he wanted to see (Mark 10:51). We need to get to know people as people and not as dispensable requirements for our system. We need to care for people and stand up for their dignity and their ability to care for themselves. We need to open our eyes to see the world around us the way Jake Sully came to see the Na’vi. It isn’t until we truly see that we can truly live.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Sermon posting?
One of my latest questions about blogging is about posting sermons here for you to see. I preached last Sunday, the Transfiguration of our Lord. I've thought about putting my sermon on here so those of you that can't hear me preach can at least read it, but on the other side I think that sermons are such an experiential thing. Does reading a sermon really do the same thing? I think we as Lutherans are about the Proclaimed Word. The written word is important too but... My mixed feelings over posting sermons on my blog. It's a scary thing too b/c it's like I'm putting myself out for all the world to see and examine and evaluate. I don't think people are afraid to evaluate and critique sermons in a way unlike regular blog posts that are just my own life stories and musings. I'm sure some think I am making a big deal out of nothing...and if so, you can ask me to put my sermons on here and maybe that will help with my dilemma. Maybe give me a reason or two as to why you think I should or shouldn't.
Overall, life is good, school is pretty good, and there's more to say for another time.
Friday, November 20, 2009
A Friday Night in November
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Endorsement, Horizon, and Fall Break
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Challenges outside of class and Critique of the ELCA seminary system
Outside of class I am challenged with personal growth issues that I first grew aware of in CPE (like finding a voice and learning to have confidence in the gifts God has given me, one of those being a leader - I find that using my gifts for leadership is especially challenging among my peers). I am challenged (and blessed) with living in a small community once again. I am challenged in caring deeply for someone 2,000 miles away and in looking toward an unknown future with him.
(There are a number of challenges our seminary system presents for single people, and married people, in the way it is setup...I believe all the parts are important (academic study, CPE, internship, a short cross-cultural experience, Teaching Parish), but it seems like there must be a better way...one more conducive to today’s person with financial challenges.
[Side note: did you know Lutheran seminary used to be free once upon a time? It was that way for my grandfather when he was in seminary so many years ago. Today we pay almost as much as a private school education, with tuition, room, board, insurance, and all the necessities. It’s ridiculous. There is help out there, but even the help isn’t across the board for everyone, nor is it very helpful for some. I am so frustrated with the scholarship philosophy currently, which favors students at some seminaries over others by having each school raise it’s own money for scholarships, instead of having a general pool of scholarship money for all eight ELCA seminaries. To me this system says that we care about students at some schools more than others. This is not consistent with our theology! I am so thankful to have gifts from family, friends, congregations, and PLTS to be able to be here.]
To explain why I think the seminary process isn’t so user friendly: “traditionally” it is expected that students complete four years of seminary - either at an ELCA sem. or at any school of your choice, but the latter requires a year of study at the former to be ordained in the ELCA, a requirement that seems very fitting. The third of those four years is for internship, unless the student has a legitimate reason for requesting a fourth-year internship (which sometimes then still requires a semester at sem. after, before being up for a congregational call). This means that for the first two years and the last year, a “traditional” seminary student can expect to be in one place (for me, Berkeley), unless the student decides to transfer for whatever reason. The third year is spent somewhere other than that one place, unless one restricts (which you also have to have reason to do...like your spouse works where you need to be, etc. Just wanting to stay in one place is not acceptable.) Let me say that I am not against moving or doing ministry in different contexts, especially different locational contexts around the country. The challenge for me, a single young person who is interested in finding someone to spend my life with, is that if I were to find someone that I was interested in at least exploring a future with someone, it is almost impossible that we could be in the same place for two or three years, thereby struggling to explore that future from a distance, which I have to admit is very hard to do. [For married or engaged people, there is a similar challenge that I won’t go into for the sake of this blog getting terribly long.] I am not saying any of this is impossible, but you’d think that we could work to make the system a little more “user” friendly. Some of my criticisms of this process...)
I am trying to take the current challenges (remember? I mentioned them so long ago at the beginning of this post.) head on, wrestling with them, and actively seeking to grow from them. I started going to therapy last week, and I am very excited about the potential gained from such experiences. I have already been exposed to so many opportunities to work on my personal growth, and it seems like therapy will be another step of intentionality about facing my challenges.
The Class (and Book) List
I am very excited for this trip (Sassy Ladies). And it is a welcome excitement, for this school year has seemed really hard for me. Academically, things are great - I love my classes, and I even love what we’re reading and the things we’re being challenged to do! Though it’s a lot to keep up with, as usual, I am having so much fun. The rundown of classes, assigned textbooks and other reading:
Preaching - Preaching by Fred Craddock; The Homiletical Plot by Eugene Lowry
Systematic Theology - God - The World's Future by Ted Peters; various readings by a number of great theologians like Martin Luther, Karl Barth, Jurgen Moltmann, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Catherine Mowry LaCugna, Karl Rahner, and Paul Tillich
Worship Prep - Preparing for Liturgy by Austin Fleming
Ministry Across Cultures (pre-req. for doing my Cross-Cultural Experience in January) - A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America by Ronald Takaki; The Wolf Shall Dwell with The Lamb by Eric Law; Injustice and the Care of Souls: Taking Oppression Seriously in Pastoral Care by Sheryl Kujuway-Holbrook and Karen Montagno; A Theology of Liberation by Gustavo Gutierrez
[Lutheran] Confessions - The Book of Concord: The Confessions of the Evangelical Lutheran Church ed. Robert Kolb and Timothy Wengert; Fortress Introduction to the Lutheran Confessions by Guenther Gassman and Scott Hendrix; The Augsburg Confession: A Commentary by Leif Grane; Lutheranism: The Theological Movement and Its Confessional Writings by Eric Gritsch and Robert Jenson
Sassy Ladies in Austin
The time has come for the annual Sassy Ladies trip! I’m finally in Austin with the Sauey family ladies. There are 10 of us this year. My mom and I got to be the planners this year, so I’m pretty excited to show the girls around the city. Our itinerary includes things like the Austin Duck Adventures (which is totally perfect for our group!), touring the state capital, shopping on South Congress, and the Austin Bats under the South Congress bridge. I really enjoy getting to do this trip each year. I love getting to know my aunts and grandma better, and spending time with my mom and sis. Being in a group of ladies that are all related is a special, exciting, and meaningful experience. Last year I realized that we could be more intentional about learning from one another and sharing our life experiences, so one night I asked the group how they knew they wanted to marry the person they married, or what attracted them to him, etc. I really enjoyed the sharing that followed - it was a level of intimacy I hadn’t experienced with them. This year my mom and I have been intentional about including a time for that intimate conversation, and we’ve been trying to come up with questions to ask. My mom invested in a package of “girl talk” cards for some ideas. We haven’t decided on the question yet, but I am already looking forward to the conversation. One question I have been tossing around from conversations with my mom and sister is about giving up/changing/modifying last names for marriage. As women, I think this could be insightful and valuable for us. We’ll see what happens.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Back in Berkeley
- It seems that ever since my apartment was burglarized, I have been less in touch with the electronic world via the interweb. I would love to be more regular about blogging and keeping in touch with people through such wonderful inventions as Facebook. First the struggle was living without a personal computer. I realize this is such a sign of my being a resident of the "first-world". From what I have heard, most of the world survive without personal computers, and yet as a resident of this, the United States, I find myself unable to function at some level without my computer. It reminds me of those times when my cell phone doesn't work and I ask, how did the world function without cell phones? Granted I was even alive when we lived without computers or cell phones, and yet the inventions have been so novel and so helpful that I can't even remember what it was like to hope that someone would pick me up at the airport when my flight came in late or other similar situations for which the cell phone has been so helpful.
- The second and latest struggle in my lessened ability to keep updated and updating is the beginning of another school year in which I have been working most to find the balance of full-time student life again. It takes a while to get back in the swing of things, though I can tell the process didn't take so long this fall as it did last year, when I was a new student after a 4-year hiatus.
Monday, August 24, 2009
The End of CPE and The Beginning of the Next Transition
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Finding a voice
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Comedic Survival and Organ Donation (more on Brain Death)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Books
Monday, July 13, 2009
My first brain death
- I love seeing KG every week. She is a dear friend, mentor, and role model for me.
- I got to spend Saturday afternoon with SN, a close college friend. We met downtown and wandered the lakeshore path to Navy Pier. (Side note: for anyone who hasn't experienced it, Navy Pier reminds me of Fisherman's Wharf or the Dells with all it's touristy hustle and bustle. Really it's not something to see. Though I haven't actually walked to the end of it yet, and I hear that's the only real highlight. I am deterred by the crowds that make it hard to even walk down the sidewalk.)
- I have learned how to maneuver the CTA, Chicago's public transportation system. This gives me some sense of knowing I have experienced Chicago - buses, subway, L...it's a pretty great system, though expensive.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Catch Up
Over the last couple weeks I've been so social - even getting to see friends from seminary and the Bay Area. It's been wonderful, and keeping me so busy when I'm not at the hospital.